


July 10, 2018 a.t.b.

by yououui



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 06:33:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11457990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yououui/pseuds/yououui
Summary: Just the previous year was the first time since his childhood that he had celebrated.He remembers enjoying himself more than he ever thought he would, and the childish excitement at the many birthdays to come and to celebrate within the little family he was building with his loved ones.It feels like a lifetime ago.





	July 10, 2018 a.t.b.

The blue cape Suzaku is wearing feels heavier than usual on his shoulders. His uniform feels too tight and his gloves itch. Nothing feels quite right today. He is tired. He wants to return to his quarters and tear all of his clothes off, still foreign and uncomfortable even if he has been wearing them for a year.

He thinks of his old school uniform, of his Knight of Honor uniform. Both were a bit awkward for him at first, but he grew to find comfort in them. His Knight of Honor uniform is now collecting dust and his school uniform has been pulled out for the first time in a year, but it offers him no sense of familiarity like it used to.

He walks towards the common area that he shares with Gino and Anya and any other high ranking military official staying in this part of the building. He needs a cool glass of water, something that will help him sort through his thoughts and get some sleep. He knows that nothing will get his mind to stop racing, but he can hope.

When the door slides open in front of him though, he is met with a loud cry of “Surprise!” and the familiar sound of Anya’s camera going off.

Suzaku blinks, his eyes wide in surprise. In front of him stands Gino, Anya, Lloyd, and Cecil, and on a table next to them is a decorated cake with candles on it.

“Happy birthday, Suzaku!” Cecil says, a pointed birthday hat perched onto her head. There’s one sitting on top of Lloyd’s silver hair as well, and Suzaku figures that Cecil must have forced him to wear it.

“Suzaku!” Gino says as he walks over to the stunned Japanese boy. He throws a long arm over Suzaku’s shoulders and begins walking him towards everyone. “Why didn’t you tell us it was your birthday?”

Suzaku looks up at Gino and is almost blinded by the grin on his face. “I… I just don’t celebrate my birthday, really. How did you find out about it?”

“Cecil and Lloyd told us!” Gino says happily. “They didn’t want to do anything but Anya and I thought that you deserve a proper birthday! If only we all weren’t so busy, we could have thrown you a huge party at Ashford!”

Cecil looks at Suzaku sympathetically and Lloyd shrugs in his usual aloof way. They still know him a lot better than Gino and Anya do, Suzaku thinks. Still…

He looks down at the cake, where the words “Happy birthday Suzaku!” are written in icing in messy Japanese. Something lurches in his chest, and bittersweet feelings fill his heart. He wishes vainly that he could feel happy in this moment. Still, he can’t help but smile, faintly.

“Thanks,” He says, softly.

Cecil lights the candles and makes Suzaku blow them out while Anya takes pictures. Lloyd starts to say something not very favorable about the cake Cecil made, but the right look from her has him shutting his mouth. Gino laughs and claps Suzaku on the back while congratulating him on another year alive, and Anya documents the entire thing.

Suzaku sits on one of the couches once everyone has congratulated him and received a slice of cake. He stares down at his piece, a strange blend of flavors that Suzaku can’t identify and horribly dry. He still tells Cecil that it’s delicious though, because it’s her thoughts and gestures that mean the most to Suzaku in this moment.

Suzaku had stopped celebrating his birthday once Japan was conquered by Britannia. He had no family, no friends, no one except himself and he had more important things to worry about than his birthday.

Just the previous year was the first time since his childhood that he had celebrated. Lelouch forced Suzaku over for dinner, threatening him with the prospect of Nunnally crying if Suzaku declined. Euphemia had called him into her office the next morning and had a simple chocolate cupcake waiting for him. She then gifted him with her favorite quill pen.

Suzaku remembers Nunnally smiling and clapping as she sang a birthday song to him. He remembers Lelouch cutting Suzaku a slightly bigger piece of cake than he needed, and giving Suzaku a glare when Suzaku insisted on having a smaller piece. He remembers the flush on Euphemia’s cheeks as she handed him his gift, the worry in her eyes as he opened it, afraid that he may not like it.

He remembers enjoying himself more than he ever thought he would, and the childish excitement at the many birthdays to come and to celebrate within the little family he was building with his loved ones.

It feels like a lifetime ago.

“Suzaku.”

Suzaku is pulled from his thoughts and looks up to find Anya standing next to him. Gino, Lloyd, and Cecil are in another part of the room, talking about something or other. Anya pulls a small, square envelope from her pocket and presents it to Suzaku.

“You got me a present?” Suzaku asks as he puts down his plate to take it from her.

“Just a collection of memories,” Is Anya’s response.

Suzaku eyes her before opening the envelope. He pulls out a small bundle of pictures, and he swallows thickly. The first picture is one of the student council, taken by Milly unexpectedly during a meeting. Suzaku is sitting across from Lelouch, and everyone at the table is looking up at the camera with confusion at Milly's sudden call for them to all look at her.

“Where did you get these?” Suzaku asks as he flips through them. They’re all from his time at Ashford, but none include Nunnally. Suzaku knows why, but he still wishes he could have a picture with her, as well.

“I asked Milly if she had any that you’d like,” Anya says in her soft, monotonous voice. 

Suzaku flips to the next picture, and his heart leaps to his throat. It is of him and Euphemia. They are standing side by side somewhere outside. The two of them had been waiting to welcome a diplomatic visitor from Britannia to arrive in Area 11. The Knight of Honor emblem is pinned to Suzaku’s chest, over his heart, and Euphemia is holding onto the cuff of his sleeve as she tells him something.

The picture captures both of their faces clearly, and they’re smiling at each other. Suzaku does not recognize the young boy he sees in the photo, with his soft eyes and content smile. The two of them look young, happy, in love, and Suzaku feels like he is glimpsing into the life of an alternate version of himself, one from another universe and with a happier life. 

And if he couldn’t remember this moment clearly, he might have believed that. But he did remember this. He knows that Euphemia was telling him about how she planned to sneak away in the evening after dinner so that they could spend time together. He remembers smiling at her excitement, he remembers feeling excited himself to look up at the stars with her. It feels like yesterday and like a millennium ago at the same time. It is surreal to realize just how much can change in a year.

“How…?” Suzaku starts, looking over at Anya, who has taken a seat next to him.

“I had to do some digging,” Anya confesses. “There aren’t many photos of Princess Euphemia left, but I found it in the archive. I think it was taken by one of the royal photographers or some paparazzi.”

Suzaku swallows the lump in his throat and looks at the last picture. It is of him and Lelouch. They are standing side by side, working on some task Milly had asked them to do. They both have flour cling to the ends of their hair and smudged across their cheeks. They’re smiling at each other, laughing over something, looking like the best of friends they once had been.

Suzaku’s hand trembles as he holds the picture. A large part of him wants to crumple the photo, wants to tear it up as much as he can and then burn the pieces.

But he can’t. Instead, he hides it back behind the photo of Euphemia. His eyes are burning and feel too wet. He blinks it away.

“You and Lelouch are good friends, right?” Anya asks, and Suzaku hesitates.

“We were,” He says.

Anya doesn’t question it further. Instead, she looks down at the photo of Euphemia. 

“She wasn’t a bad person like people say,” Anya says, and Suzaku looks at her with wide eyes. Euphemia is not brought up often, and rarely ever in a good light. Suzaku has grown used to defending her name. It is always a surprise when he does hear someone say something positive about her.

“You’re right,” Suzaku says. He looks back down at the picture. His throat is very tight.

Anya frowns. “Sometimes, things happen that we can’t explain. Things that don’t make sense and that we can’t understand…”

Suzaku regards Anya as she trails off. She looks upset, and he carefully puts the photos back into the envelope and tuck them into the inside pocket of his jacket. Before he can ask her what’s wrong, Gino is sitting in the space between them, wrapping his arms around them both.

“Come on, guys! Join the party!” Gino says, and Anya pulls phone out and begins tapping on buttons.

“I’ve already recorded enough,” She says.

“Not the same thing!” Gino says with a laugh before forcing them both up.

Suzaku is able to thank Anya for the gift before the night is done, and she shrugs it off as nothing. That night, he sets the picture of himself and Euphemia next to his Knight of Honor pin on his bedside table, propped against the wall. He decides to display one photo of the student council, as well.

He looks down at the photo of himself and Lelouch in the dim moonlight streaming into his room. He narrows his eyes and dents the photo from how hard he is gripping it. Eventually, he cannot stand to look at it any longer and he shuts his eyes. He tells himself it’s because he hates Lelouch.

He knows that it’s because he misses those times he cannot get back and a dear friend he has long since lost.

But as Lelouch once told Suzaku, the past is dead and gone. So Suzaku throws the picture into a drawer with the rest of the photos and slams it shut, hiding them away in darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> So it's been maybe 7 years since I last wrote a Code Geass story. But since it's Suzaku's birthday I thought I'd give it a try again! This apparently goes against the "official" timeline which states that all of season 1 takes place in March-April of 2017 and Suzaku and Lelouch were in the EU in July. I just have such a hard time believing that so I deviated juuuust a little bit. I don't think it matters much either way for a little drabble like this anyway!


End file.
